Neil Postman in his latest book, "The End of Education" seems to contradict John Dewey when he asserts that "though we may learn by doing, we learn more by failing--by trial and error, by making mistakes, by correcting them, making more mistakes, correcting them, and so on."
Children and parents, as well as teachers, need to know that mistakes are not failures.
Mistakes should be regarded as aids to learning.
Some children are fearful of making mistakes.
They have a great need to be perfect and they avoid risks. But perfection is a static thing, and we make progress only by taking risks.
Children need to be encouraged, not expected to pursue perfection.
Since most of our grading is based on comparing students to some standard, most of the students' motivation is to get a good grade.
Students who are fiercely competitive, or who set unrealistically high standards may find themselves in an impossible, often very unhappy situation.
If their over- ambition is the result of basic inferiority feelings, then these feelings are reinforced when they make mistakes and do not get an A for their work. Since it takes time and repeated mistakes to learn a new skill, schools might be more helpful to students if they encouraged the effort and graded the final product, not the intermediate steps.
The best motivation for learning is the pleasure in doing it.
Since most of our grading is based on comparing students to some standard, most of the students' motivation is to get a good grade.
In many colleges, students will not take an exciting challenging course if they fear they may get a poor grade in it.
Students pursue the grade, not the knowledge.
This motivation begins in elementary school and is perpetuated by parents' attitudes.
Parents should ask their children what questions they asked, or what they learned or how they enjoyed school, rather than asking why they got a grade of B rather than an A.
Children feel the pressure to get the top grades. Some may resort to dishonesty and copy from others. Others may change a correct answer to the incorrect one because that is the one everybody else has.
As a result, they lose confidence in themselves as learners.
This overconcern also often causes children to make more mistakes rather than fewer. Many children will not admit to not knowing something that they need to know in order to take the next step. In so doing, they can impede their progress. They have not developed what Rudolph Dreikurs calls: The Courage to be Imperfect.
Children need to learn that while improvement is always possible, perfection is utopian . They do not have to be better than others or even better than they already are. Parents can help children with this by admitting that they make mistakes too. They can create an atmosphere in the home where it is safe to make mistakes. Parents can talk to their children about what they learned from their mistakes.
Children who set unrealistically high standards for themselves, sometimes withdraw completely from any challenge when they face the possibility of failure.
They have the mistaken belief that anything less than perfect is nothing. When they do not think they can come out at the top, they give up.
In redirecting children who have given up, it is best to stop all criticism and to focus on assets.
These children need to be encouraged for any positive attempts. Children who stop trying sometimes resort to truancy and may escape through alcohol or other drugs.
As parents, you also need to develop the courage to be imperfect.
Such courage allows you to focus on the present, rather then worrying about the past.
Above all, you need to develop a sense of your own personal strength and worth.
First published in 1995
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